Life of a Completely Screwed ed Up alchemist
by yamicorey
Summary: The Elric bros, Hoho papa, Sloth, Envy, and Wrath all living together. Imagine the Chaos! Updated every week or so. No romance, but ed has an implied crush on Winry.
1. Chapter 1

Life of a Completely F-ed Up Alchemist.

Chapter 1: Getting There

"Alphonse, I can understand transmuting our old house back. Even living in that hellhole," began an extremely pissed off Edward Elric, "But what I don't get is why you had to invite _them_." Fullmetal glared at his brother and the four other "people" with him.

"What's the matter Fullmetal Pip-squeak?" grinned the first of Ed's most hated, the palm-tree headed Homunculus known as Envy. "Aren't ya happy to see me?

"Who's a protozoa sized runt who exists on only the subatomic level you tropical headed freak?"

"Calm down Brother, They're family." Al sighed as the other three people sweatdropped. Envy and Ed were engaged in a fist fight, while another stepped forward.

"Boys, stop it." yelled Sloth, quite clearly annoyed, "your setting a bad example for Wrath." The afore mentioned boy however was enjoying himself, watching the fight with a bag of popcorn fused to his arm.

"Listen to your mother!" Hohenheim, the final cast member muttered, "She's already got a headache and- Wrath, is that popcorn? Yummeh! Popcorn R0x0r5 my 50x0r5!" at which point Hohenheim ripped Wrath's arm off, and started chowing down.

"Dad you son of a bitch!" The sin cried only to be hit with a golf club by Sloth.

"How many times do I have to tell you? Watch your fucking language!"

"But you just said-"

"Stay out of this Alphonse, or I'll make you rust again!"

Hohenheim stopped for a second, and looked forward at the approaching mob. "Honey," he began, "Where are we?"

"Liore why-" At which point Sloth saw the stampede of po'd villagers.

"Why are they so mad?" asked the freaked Hohenheim.

"Let see," replied Ed, pulling his arm blade out of Envy's leg, "These three geniuses destroyed the entire town, killed a few hundred people, and generally pissed 'em off to make a Philosophers Stone out of Al. Other than that, they _love_ us."

"Yay, Victims!" Exclaimed Wrath as he plunged into the mob with a shotgun and a katana.

"¬¬" Said Ed.

"¬¬" Replied Hohenheim.

"¬¬" Agreed Envy.

Alphonse however, disagreed. "o-O" said he, "I had no idea human skulls could be used as bowling balls when they are still attached to their body.…"

Next time on "LoaCFA"

Episode 2: Moving in.

"Al, what are Gluttony and Lust doing in our house?"

"Well, Shrimp, Gluttony is eating mom's stuff. The question is, Why?

" Beats me brother, but Mom's not going to be happy."

"BOYS! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"


	2. On the road again When are they not?

Thanks for the reviews! And on the first day as well! Anyway, as you can see, Aurifex, I changed the title. And I know "--", "Oo" and "¬¬" are emoticons, but it's just randomness on the guys parts. Just like Hoho Papa speaking n00b. And O thought "Watch your Effin language" was funny too, pheonix of the sea. That chappie is actually a week old, i just posted it yesterday. From now on, the fic should be updated after the 12:00 FMA episode. Im afraid that Moving In will be made chapter three, so in a week or less we meet more characters. Sorry Lust and Gluttony fans, but Im expanding on the rivalry of the boys, and Hoho Papa's character. Next week definatly! On with the Fic!

Life of a completely F-ed up Alchemist.

Chapter 2: On the Road Again. When are They Not?

"For all of my four-hudred-fifty-seven years, I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER, seen that much blood and gore, and I worked on the madness team!" Hohenheim was in shock. The already crappy city had, in the space of six minutes, become so utterly PWN3D, that even the sand on which it was based was mutilated. Ed and Envy sat in a corner arguing as usual, Hohenheim had no clue how they had managed to find one. Al was at Scar's "Clinic to Regain Sanity and Learn How to Blow Shit the Fuck Up in Shades and a Trench Coat," and Wrath was getting the Oroborus droppings beaten out of him by a wooden spoon that Sloth made Ed transmute. From some poor dudes skull no less.

"Shut up and get some food!" the others yelled (in Wrath's case it was more of a sob), kicking poor Hoho Papa into a McChaos. The man picked up a total of food that amounted to eight hundred Trancs, (The equivelent of $1,500) to find that his family had transmuted food while he was gone. The eldest two sons, apparently involved in some sort of Eating contest, which, Hohenheim mused, Envy would definetly lose, grabbed half the pile each and downed the 750 rice Burgers each in a single bite.

"It's times like this I wish a had just died. Mom always told me not to mess with the natural scheme of life, but no, I had to kick peoples souls out and steal their bodies…"

Next time on "LoaCFA"

Episode 3: Moving In!

Ed: For real this time.

Hoenheim: Sorry for stealing the chapter. In exchange, I will reveal the brand new character appearing in next week's installment. It is

Corey: Gags and Binds Hohenheim. Shut up you Baka!

See Ya!


End file.
